As I mark the half-century mark of my life, I come over and over again to the same realization as I look back on my life. That undeniable realization is that my greatest achievement has been not my career, not my awards, but my family – more specifically, to have married my wife and raised our three kids to become outstanding citizens of the world. There’s not one moment spent with them that I would trade for an extra dollar in my salary, or a bigger car, or a more luxurious house.
But of course, the trade-offs of managing a family are real, and I have made many of them over the years. It’s not a complete joyride, when I consider the nights I was kept awake worrying about my kids, the hours I spent tutoring and counselling them, the times I had to take urgent leave from work when one of my kids fell sick… That’s the reality of having kids. Not to mention the sheer cost of raising kids, and the material comforts my wife and I have sacrificed to make it possible. And despite all this, whenever I look at my wife and my grown-up children, I realize that I’ve lived an infinitely more fulfilling life because of them.
Worryingly, our younger generation is getting married and raising families at much lower rates and at later ages. Academics have suggested a variety of reasons for this alarming trend, such as the rising affluence of our people, the spiralling costs of raising children, and improvements in gender equality. These reasons have some validity, but I believe that the main reason for this phenomenon is still the inability of our younger generation to make the tough choices in life.
I’ll first talk about the decision to get married, and I’ll start off with a history lesson. Let’s first come to an understanding that marriage has never been just for the sake of “love”. It has also been about financial stability, emotional support, companionship in old age, having kids, social status... and love is not necessarily a prerequisite for many of these considerations. When you consider a recent study which suggested that wives who are financially dependent on their husbands are less likely to cheat, and the existence (and rising use) of divorce laws... any reasonable person would conclude that there’s no such thing as “true love”.
Men who earn less than women more likely to cheat
But according to this article, many lonely singles are still foolishly holding out for it!
SDN gives a singles push
Once again, it’s another foolish delusion held by young Singaporeans today. It’s ludicrous to hold out for that perfect someone, because, like I said, that guy or girl doesn’t exist, and it’d be a criminal waste of time and a waste of your life to spend years and years searching for nothing. Even more befuddling are the ridiculous criteria some people use to look for mates – especially looks. People, everyone looks the same after 50 years. It does not matter.
Be realistic in finding a lifetime partner
Before you know it, you’ll be nearing middle age and pushed to the bottom of the dating market, staring down at the terrifying prospect of a solitary retirement... and dying alone. Meanwhile, you miss out on all the pragmatic benefits of marriage that I’ve listed out above. How do our supposedly educated youngsters not figure that out? All it takes are simple cost-benefit analysis and some grasp of reality.
Most people, if they tried, could find an “imperfect” someone who’s good enough to bring reasonable happiness and companionship to their lives. That fully describes the situation of most married couples, even if they don’t want to admit it. There’s always someone out there who could make you happier, but given the short amount of search time available to us, the best option is to moderate our expectations and just be content with finding someone good enough to grow old with! Remember, ultimately we’re all chasing after happiness in some amount, not “true love”!
Is there really any value in holding out for “true love”? I very much doubt so.
And this time around, the search for “true love” is becoming fatal for Singapore as a nation. Yes, I’m talking about birth rates.
To be continued
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