Most youths in Singapore lead a relatively comfortable lifestyle as compared to youth in neighbouring countries. It has been said that the (relative) affluence youth today enjoy has led to an indifference in the way the state is run, causing them to be materialistic and uninterested in matters other than that pertaining to their own lives, while the only news they care about is the news of the most recent celebrity gossip or the score of the latest English Premier League match. How many times have I heard the excuse ‘Why do I have to care about what’s going on in Singapore? The government is taking care of everything anyway.’ Youths today are more than willing to let the government run the state as it sees fit, and while are not without their grouses, are contented to grumble in the background rather than stand up and make themselves heard to effect a change.
This is not to say there aren’t youths who are willing to take an extra step and play their part in making Singapore a better place to live in. However, even among youth who are willing to go the mile, many feel pressurized to make politically correct statements, making them fearful of speaking out against social norms and voicing their opinions. Further complicating the situation, as Out of Bounds (OB) markers are not made clear to Singaporeans, many are unwilling to test the limits and speak their mind freely. Admittedly, this unwillingness to be a voice that stands out from the rest may well be mistaken for political apathy, or a complete indifference for the political situation in Singapore. In addition, many parents also forbid their children from actively participating in politics, fearing libel suits and other ramifications. Even though then Education Minister urged students to actively voice their views as ‘One does not develop a conviction and commitment to a society without first questioning and pushing the boundaries’ and also welcomes restlessness in young people as it feeds idealism and helps society move forward, this is not enough to put the concerns Singaporeans in youths to rest.
If, as youths hope, Singapore is to adopt a Western-style democracy, they also need to be more realistic in realizing that without their active participation, this style of democracy is not going to work. How can the government work its way towards a more liberal political environment if it cannot be sure that its people will step up to the challenge? As proposed by Muhammad Shamin (Singapore Youth Parliament), the Singapore Youth Parliament would probably be a good starting point. As suggested, the Youth Parliament would be a platform for young Singaporeans to bring up, discuss and debate issues that are potentially contentious, allowing the youths of Singapore to have a voice and be heard by the those passing bills in the Singapore parliament.. So how about we stop complaining about the paternalistic way the government is governing Singapore, and start examining the ways we can starting participating more actively to ensure that we are capable to step into the shoes that we want to fill so much?
Speak up, Tharman tells youths
Political apathy among the youths in Singapore
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Politics - Democracy.
Over the years, I have heard so many people lament over the ‘lack’ of a fully liberalized society in Singapore - most of which come from the younger generation. More than ever, youth today are demanding the right to free speech, protection of human rights of all citizens as well as a full Western style democracy. According to this post (What some Singaporeans think about Democracy), Singaporean youths largely disagreed with the statement that Singapore’s progress towards democracy is satisfactory. Few also believed that Singapore practices a ‘democratic system based on justice and equality’.
Despite the government’s efforts to loosen up and liberalize the society - licensing the Grand Prix to take place in Singapore, the construction of the 2 casinos, allowing for bar top dancing – which are likely to affect but a few Singaporeans, and many youths are dismissing these decisions as purely rhetoric or economic-orientated rather than genuine attempts at opening up the society. In doing so, many Singaporean youths see the government as ‘trying too hard’ to accommodate the views of youths nowadays while not being really committed to the actual act of liberalization itself.
While it is seemingly obvious that Singapore does not follow the textbook definition of a democracy, Singapore works primarily on an economic agenda that is then supported by our political one (see The economics of Singapore's future politics). A failure to recognize the merits of this novel system of governance and an insistence to impose the widely accepted form of democracy in the unique socio-economic environment of Singapore could possibly only lead to the unraveling of what our fathers have worked so hard to put together.
Singapore sex on the straight and narrow
Hit the streets: be careful of what you post online
Despite the government’s efforts to loosen up and liberalize the society - licensing the Grand Prix to take place in Singapore, the construction of the 2 casinos, allowing for bar top dancing – which are likely to affect but a few Singaporeans, and many youths are dismissing these decisions as purely rhetoric or economic-orientated rather than genuine attempts at opening up the society. In doing so, many Singaporean youths see the government as ‘trying too hard’ to accommodate the views of youths nowadays while not being really committed to the actual act of liberalization itself.
While it is seemingly obvious that Singapore does not follow the textbook definition of a democracy, Singapore works primarily on an economic agenda that is then supported by our political one (see The economics of Singapore's future politics). A failure to recognize the merits of this novel system of governance and an insistence to impose the widely accepted form of democracy in the unique socio-economic environment of Singapore could possibly only lead to the unraveling of what our fathers have worked so hard to put together.
Singapore sex on the straight and narrow
Hit the streets: be careful of what you post online
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Regulation and censorship
The other frequently used line of complaint about our arts scene and our media is about censorship and regulation. It’s claimed that our government and our society are too prudish about pushing artistic boundaries with regard to taboos like sex, homosexuality, and racial and religious issues. Those liberal-minded artists and youths argue that these restrictions are excessive, and that they need to be relaxed in order to foster a more vibrant society.
I think this particularly angry blogger (Singapore = Arts hub? Srsly?) sums up some of the complaints quite well. In summary, she goes on a rant about how the arts in Singapore have been stifled by these boundaries and taboos; and then, after being inspired by an obviously crazed teacher of hers from her Scriptwriting class and after parroting and touting a hackneyed list of Western definitions of what art is supposed to be, she draws the conclusion that there is no way the arts could flourish in Singapore because we’re too concerned about making sure nobody gets offended and angered! What an immature rant. I can safely say this attitude is reflective of the much of our liberal younger generation today – their dream is to offend the sensibilities of our nation’s conservative majority (including their grandparents, parents, relatives, of course) in order to see raunchier stuff deemed by them as “true art”.
First, has the exclusion of certain taboo topics such as explicit sex, alternative lifestyles, race and religion really limited the growth and the quality of our arts scene? It doesn’t seem that way in reality. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, Singapore’s arts scene has always been pretty active, and has grown noticeably over the years in spite of those supposed restrictions on the arts. In my opinion, if you NEED to rely on explosive issues to produce something good, then you’re probably not much of an artist, are you?
Want proof? How about the hundreds of Hollywood movies that are regularly screened in Singapore cinemas every single year without fail? If they're screened here, it means they've successfully stayed within our boundaries - yet many of them, instead of being bland, textureless failures, go on to win Oscars and Golden Globes even though they don't push racial and religious boundaries, for example. They take a universally acceptable topic and do it well - that's what a good artist does. Why does art need to talk about those controversial topics to be art? That's a fatal assumption that so many youngsters blindly make.
I think this particularly angry blogger (Singapore = Arts hub? Srsly?) sums up some of the complaints quite well. In summary, she goes on a rant about how the arts in Singapore have been stifled by these boundaries and taboos; and then, after being inspired by an obviously crazed teacher of hers from her Scriptwriting class and after parroting and touting a hackneyed list of Western definitions of what art is supposed to be, she draws the conclusion that there is no way the arts could flourish in Singapore because we’re too concerned about making sure nobody gets offended and angered! What an immature rant. I can safely say this attitude is reflective of the much of our liberal younger generation today – their dream is to offend the sensibilities of our nation’s conservative majority (including their grandparents, parents, relatives, of course) in order to see raunchier stuff deemed by them as “true art”.
First, has the exclusion of certain taboo topics such as explicit sex, alternative lifestyles, race and religion really limited the growth and the quality of our arts scene? It doesn’t seem that way in reality. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, Singapore’s arts scene has always been pretty active, and has grown noticeably over the years in spite of those supposed restrictions on the arts. In my opinion, if you NEED to rely on explosive issues to produce something good, then you’re probably not much of an artist, are you?
Want proof? How about the hundreds of Hollywood movies that are regularly screened in Singapore cinemas every single year without fail? If they're screened here, it means they've successfully stayed within our boundaries - yet many of them, instead of being bland, textureless failures, go on to win Oscars and Golden Globes even though they don't push racial and religious boundaries, for example. They take a universally acceptable topic and do it well - that's what a good artist does. Why does art need to talk about those controversial topics to be art? That's a fatal assumption that so many youngsters blindly make.
Monday, August 23, 2010
The arts scene: it won't magically appear just because you complain
The most frequent complaint I hear about Singapore’s arts and cultural scene is that there’s simply very little, or none to be found. That complaint is usually accompanied by a second one – that this cultural deficiency is due to censorship and lack of openness in our society.
These complaints may have been valid a decade or two ago, but it should be obvious that much has changed since that time. What has not improved, sadly, is Singaporeans’ appreciation for commendable efforts of our local artists – they’re overly self-critical of our nation’s arts and inherently biased towards foreign imports. If Singaporeans would only take the time to look with an open mind, they’d find a vibrant arts scene they could be proud of. And even if they find it lacking after they’ve experienced it, they should still support it if they want to see improvement.
Singaporean artists and filmmakers, however good their work, tend to get little support from fellow Singaporeans. How about this Singaporean film that was slammed here, but became big in the US?
I’m no artist, so I’ll let an actual artist talk about this. The following is an excerpt from an interview with Ng Su-An and Louisa Cheong, two Singaporean artists currently based in Vancouver.
Interview: Su-An Ng & Louisa Cheong
Question: What are your views on the art scene in Vancouver as compared to Singapore? Are we lacking in that area?
…If anything at all, I think the Singapore audience lacks a certain level of broad-mindedness to truly appreciate what their own local talents have to offer. There needs to be a change in the local mindset, and it starts with further education in order to cultivate an intrinsic appreciation for even the most basic forms of art….
Question: Would you agree that it is easier for locals to appreciate other Singaporeans achievements in other countries rather than their achievements they have accomplished here?
S: If there is such a perception, then it goes back to basic art appreciation. If a community does not have a significant level of art appreciation, how will they be able to recognize and support local talent? That being said, doesn’t that make you wonder how much undiscovered local talent is out there? The Singaporean artists who move overseas are merely looking for a community that can appreciate their form of art and give them due recognition.
L: It is ironic, isn’t it? Why must there be recognition from an overseas audience before the Singapore audience can appreciate what they already have?
This question is an exact reflection of that mindset. Su-An’s film was surprisingly not well-received at the Singapore Short Film Festival. However, her film caught the attention of many in Vancouver after we screened it, not to mention the continuous pour of invitations from various film festivals around the world like the Northwest Film & Video Festival, Planet in Focus International Environmental Festival & Victoria International Festival to name a few. This interview would not have happened if her film had not made its mark internationally – this is the sad irony.
That is the reason why VSFF was established in Vancouver to help promote and raise awareness in Canada of Singapore’s talents, specifically in the film industry. Singapore is a tiny audience compared to those of the US and China. But by supported exposure and uniting filmmaking interests between the two countries, we can learn and improve on what we lack and are weak in, and eventually grow to the full potential of what Singapore’s film industry is truly capable of.
Perhaps a good example of this is how VSFF’s supportive platform has resulted in interests from other organizations wanting to screen Singapore-made films. These include the Vancouver New Asia Film Festival and Calgary Asian Series (Alberta, Canada) who have invited us to do encore screenings of Royston Tan’s 12 Lotus and Jean Yeo’s The Leap Years.
Support should come from home. If that is not even available, then international recognition would be a farther reach no matter the amount of resources available, and money the Singapore government pumps into the industry.
Do read the rest of the interview- it reveals a lot about the challenges faced by Singaporean artists due to the local audience’s indifference towards them.
Our arts need time, and more importantly, money, to develop. There definitely is a vibrant arts scene here today, in my opinion. For those who find the arts scene inadequate and dream of a more vibrant one, ignoring it is not the solution. We should support our local artists not in spite of, but because of their potential for improvement. It’s funny how a nation of materialistic consumers like Singapore does not even recognise this simple economic fact.
These complaints may have been valid a decade or two ago, but it should be obvious that much has changed since that time. What has not improved, sadly, is Singaporeans’ appreciation for commendable efforts of our local artists – they’re overly self-critical of our nation’s arts and inherently biased towards foreign imports. If Singaporeans would only take the time to look with an open mind, they’d find a vibrant arts scene they could be proud of. And even if they find it lacking after they’ve experienced it, they should still support it if they want to see improvement.
Singaporean artists and filmmakers, however good their work, tend to get little support from fellow Singaporeans. How about this Singaporean film that was slammed here, but became big in the US?
I’m no artist, so I’ll let an actual artist talk about this. The following is an excerpt from an interview with Ng Su-An and Louisa Cheong, two Singaporean artists currently based in Vancouver.
Interview: Su-An Ng & Louisa Cheong
Question: What are your views on the art scene in Vancouver as compared to Singapore? Are we lacking in that area?
…If anything at all, I think the Singapore audience lacks a certain level of broad-mindedness to truly appreciate what their own local talents have to offer. There needs to be a change in the local mindset, and it starts with further education in order to cultivate an intrinsic appreciation for even the most basic forms of art….
Question: Would you agree that it is easier for locals to appreciate other Singaporeans achievements in other countries rather than their achievements they have accomplished here?
S: If there is such a perception, then it goes back to basic art appreciation. If a community does not have a significant level of art appreciation, how will they be able to recognize and support local talent? That being said, doesn’t that make you wonder how much undiscovered local talent is out there? The Singaporean artists who move overseas are merely looking for a community that can appreciate their form of art and give them due recognition.
L: It is ironic, isn’t it? Why must there be recognition from an overseas audience before the Singapore audience can appreciate what they already have?
This question is an exact reflection of that mindset. Su-An’s film was surprisingly not well-received at the Singapore Short Film Festival. However, her film caught the attention of many in Vancouver after we screened it, not to mention the continuous pour of invitations from various film festivals around the world like the Northwest Film & Video Festival, Planet in Focus International Environmental Festival & Victoria International Festival to name a few. This interview would not have happened if her film had not made its mark internationally – this is the sad irony.
That is the reason why VSFF was established in Vancouver to help promote and raise awareness in Canada of Singapore’s talents, specifically in the film industry. Singapore is a tiny audience compared to those of the US and China. But by supported exposure and uniting filmmaking interests between the two countries, we can learn and improve on what we lack and are weak in, and eventually grow to the full potential of what Singapore’s film industry is truly capable of.
Perhaps a good example of this is how VSFF’s supportive platform has resulted in interests from other organizations wanting to screen Singapore-made films. These include the Vancouver New Asia Film Festival and Calgary Asian Series (Alberta, Canada) who have invited us to do encore screenings of Royston Tan’s 12 Lotus and Jean Yeo’s The Leap Years.
Support should come from home. If that is not even available, then international recognition would be a farther reach no matter the amount of resources available, and money the Singapore government pumps into the industry.
Do read the rest of the interview- it reveals a lot about the challenges faced by Singaporean artists due to the local audience’s indifference towards them.
Our arts need time, and more importantly, money, to develop. There definitely is a vibrant arts scene here today, in my opinion. For those who find the arts scene inadequate and dream of a more vibrant one, ignoring it is not the solution. We should support our local artists not in spite of, but because of their potential for improvement. It’s funny how a nation of materialistic consumers like Singapore does not even recognise this simple economic fact.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Debt
Closely related to my previous post on materialism is the alarming financial indebtedness of our young people. For one, I have never owned a credit card in my life – a debit card offers the same convenience as a credit card without the temptation of spending beyond your means.
So I just don’t understand the lure of credit cards among young adults nowadays. Credit cards let you spend money you don’t have. This sounds exactly like a scam you should run away from! Don’t even let yourself purchase things on credit, unless you know you can pay back on time – why start yourself on an endless cycle of debt?
Younger Singaporeans biggest debt defaulters
”Figures released by DP Credit Bureau showed that the percentage of default records of 21 to 29 year olds rose from five per cent (5.07%) in January 2009 to seven per cent (7.16%) in December 2009… The rate of bad debts of Singaporeans between 21 and 29 years old is more than double (130%) than the average rate for all consumers at 3 per cent (3.11%).”
And I thought our youths were smart. But they’re addicted to the lure of spending power, of being able to buy things now and worry about paying for them later. Why can’t youths think more clearly, and why do they keep going into debt?
Youth debt
The website above suggests societal pressure and easy accessibility of credit as reasons for this phenomenon. I don’t disagree – every day, our youths are exposed to ideals of a perfect lifestyle, and every day, you see those credit card salesmen camped outside office buildings trying to sign young people up for new accounts.
But for youths to blame their problems on these external things are all too typical and show a lack of responsibility. I suggest, again, that they look inward and admit to themselves that it’s mainly materialism and the Dream at work. Privileged youths of today dream of having lavish lifestyles of the rich and famous, and ignore the fact that these rich and famous people earned their money through quality work and not through signing up for credit cards! These youths want the rewards without the hard work, and that need for instant gratification has made so many of them buy their dreams with tomorrow’s money. When will they realize they’re being foolish?
There’s no question about it – they need to stop living in dreamland and start living within their means. Smart people go into debt for the right reasons – to start a business, to pay for an education, for family emergencies – but there’s absolutely NO justifiable case for taking on debt to sustain materialistic desires. These youths should be ashamed of themselves for their lack of self-control, and I feel sorry for those parents who have to eventually bail their children out when they really should be pampering themselves with their retirement nest eggs!
So I just don’t understand the lure of credit cards among young adults nowadays. Credit cards let you spend money you don’t have. This sounds exactly like a scam you should run away from! Don’t even let yourself purchase things on credit, unless you know you can pay back on time – why start yourself on an endless cycle of debt?
Younger Singaporeans biggest debt defaulters
”Figures released by DP Credit Bureau showed that the percentage of default records of 21 to 29 year olds rose from five per cent (5.07%) in January 2009 to seven per cent (7.16%) in December 2009… The rate of bad debts of Singaporeans between 21 and 29 years old is more than double (130%) than the average rate for all consumers at 3 per cent (3.11%).”
And I thought our youths were smart. But they’re addicted to the lure of spending power, of being able to buy things now and worry about paying for them later. Why can’t youths think more clearly, and why do they keep going into debt?
Youth debt
The website above suggests societal pressure and easy accessibility of credit as reasons for this phenomenon. I don’t disagree – every day, our youths are exposed to ideals of a perfect lifestyle, and every day, you see those credit card salesmen camped outside office buildings trying to sign young people up for new accounts.
But for youths to blame their problems on these external things are all too typical and show a lack of responsibility. I suggest, again, that they look inward and admit to themselves that it’s mainly materialism and the Dream at work. Privileged youths of today dream of having lavish lifestyles of the rich and famous, and ignore the fact that these rich and famous people earned their money through quality work and not through signing up for credit cards! These youths want the rewards without the hard work, and that need for instant gratification has made so many of them buy their dreams with tomorrow’s money. When will they realize they’re being foolish?
There’s no question about it – they need to stop living in dreamland and start living within their means. Smart people go into debt for the right reasons – to start a business, to pay for an education, for family emergencies – but there’s absolutely NO justifiable case for taking on debt to sustain materialistic desires. These youths should be ashamed of themselves for their lack of self-control, and I feel sorry for those parents who have to eventually bail their children out when they really should be pampering themselves with their retirement nest eggs!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Having kids
Let us assume, for a while, that our young people wake up and get married in droves. There’s still another unfortunate delusion standing in the way of a better reality. They don’t want to have kids.
To be fair, the decision of whether to have kids is a complex one. I imagine that many liberal young couples today would relish a married life free of children – in other words, a life free of responsibilities. The personal freedom to do whatever you want and go wherever you please without having to consider those pesky kids! The financial freedom to pamper yourself lavishly and live like a king because you don’t have to devote hundreds of thousands of dollars to your kids’ food, clothing, and education. This is really the life of a 30 year-old, and I’m not surprised that so many affluent (and naïve) young 30 year-olds want to live like 30 year-olds forever. It doesn’t help that the media has romanticised this seemingly “ideal” dream lifestyle. It’s a tempting dream indeed.
But a tempting choice is not necessarily the right one, and eventually, all dreams come to an end. A blissful, carefree, love-filled married life is not a realistic long-term prospect – it will not last long. Most couples run out of things to talk about, lose the spark, and generally get bored of each other... and by the time they realise they really want kids, the wife is already nearing or beyond the end of her childbearing years.
If you’re still not convinced, please at least spare a thought for your country. If more young couples don’t start having kids, we as a nation may cease to exist within just a few generations! Singapore’s current total fertility rate (TFR) is a catastrophic 1.23, far below the TFR of 2.1 needed for us to replace ourselves. We desperately need more babies to ward off this existential threat. In a way, to put personal hedonistic pleasures above the dire needs of your nation strikes me as extremely selfish.
Singapore's declining birth rate one of people's top concerns
Singapore's Demographic Winter
Of course, we can all blame many factors... but ultimately, we always have a choice, albeit a tough one. It's up to Singaporeans to make the right choice.
To be fair, the decision of whether to have kids is a complex one. I imagine that many liberal young couples today would relish a married life free of children – in other words, a life free of responsibilities. The personal freedom to do whatever you want and go wherever you please without having to consider those pesky kids! The financial freedom to pamper yourself lavishly and live like a king because you don’t have to devote hundreds of thousands of dollars to your kids’ food, clothing, and education. This is really the life of a 30 year-old, and I’m not surprised that so many affluent (and naïve) young 30 year-olds want to live like 30 year-olds forever. It doesn’t help that the media has romanticised this seemingly “ideal” dream lifestyle. It’s a tempting dream indeed.
But a tempting choice is not necessarily the right one, and eventually, all dreams come to an end. A blissful, carefree, love-filled married life is not a realistic long-term prospect – it will not last long. Most couples run out of things to talk about, lose the spark, and generally get bored of each other... and by the time they realise they really want kids, the wife is already nearing or beyond the end of her childbearing years.
If you’re still not convinced, please at least spare a thought for your country. If more young couples don’t start having kids, we as a nation may cease to exist within just a few generations! Singapore’s current total fertility rate (TFR) is a catastrophic 1.23, far below the TFR of 2.1 needed for us to replace ourselves. We desperately need more babies to ward off this existential threat. In a way, to put personal hedonistic pleasures above the dire needs of your nation strikes me as extremely selfish.
Singapore's declining birth rate one of people's top concerns
Singapore's Demographic Winter
Of course, we can all blame many factors... but ultimately, we always have a choice, albeit a tough one. It's up to Singaporeans to make the right choice.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Marriage and family
As I mark the half-century mark of my life, I come over and over again to the same realization as I look back on my life. That undeniable realization is that my greatest achievement has been not my career, not my awards, but my family – more specifically, to have married my wife and raised our three kids to become outstanding citizens of the world. There’s not one moment spent with them that I would trade for an extra dollar in my salary, or a bigger car, or a more luxurious house.
But of course, the trade-offs of managing a family are real, and I have made many of them over the years. It’s not a complete joyride, when I consider the nights I was kept awake worrying about my kids, the hours I spent tutoring and counselling them, the times I had to take urgent leave from work when one of my kids fell sick… That’s the reality of having kids. Not to mention the sheer cost of raising kids, and the material comforts my wife and I have sacrificed to make it possible. And despite all this, whenever I look at my wife and my grown-up children, I realize that I’ve lived an infinitely more fulfilling life because of them.
Worryingly, our younger generation is getting married and raising families at much lower rates and at later ages. Academics have suggested a variety of reasons for this alarming trend, such as the rising affluence of our people, the spiralling costs of raising children, and improvements in gender equality. These reasons have some validity, but I believe that the main reason for this phenomenon is still the inability of our younger generation to make the tough choices in life.
I’ll first talk about the decision to get married, and I’ll start off with a history lesson. Let’s first come to an understanding that marriage has never been just for the sake of “love”. It has also been about financial stability, emotional support, companionship in old age, having kids, social status... and love is not necessarily a prerequisite for many of these considerations. When you consider a recent study which suggested that wives who are financially dependent on their husbands are less likely to cheat, and the existence (and rising use) of divorce laws... any reasonable person would conclude that there’s no such thing as “true love”.
Men who earn less than women more likely to cheat
But according to this article, many lonely singles are still foolishly holding out for it!
SDN gives a singles push
Once again, it’s another foolish delusion held by young Singaporeans today. It’s ludicrous to hold out for that perfect someone, because, like I said, that guy or girl doesn’t exist, and it’d be a criminal waste of time and a waste of your life to spend years and years searching for nothing. Even more befuddling are the ridiculous criteria some people use to look for mates – especially looks. People, everyone looks the same after 50 years. It does not matter.
Be realistic in finding a lifetime partner
Before you know it, you’ll be nearing middle age and pushed to the bottom of the dating market, staring down at the terrifying prospect of a solitary retirement... and dying alone. Meanwhile, you miss out on all the pragmatic benefits of marriage that I’ve listed out above. How do our supposedly educated youngsters not figure that out? All it takes are simple cost-benefit analysis and some grasp of reality.
Most people, if they tried, could find an “imperfect” someone who’s good enough to bring reasonable happiness and companionship to their lives. That fully describes the situation of most married couples, even if they don’t want to admit it. There’s always someone out there who could make you happier, but given the short amount of search time available to us, the best option is to moderate our expectations and just be content with finding someone good enough to grow old with! Remember, ultimately we’re all chasing after happiness in some amount, not “true love”!
Is there really any value in holding out for “true love”? I very much doubt so.
And this time around, the search for “true love” is becoming fatal for Singapore as a nation. Yes, I’m talking about birth rates.
To be continued
But of course, the trade-offs of managing a family are real, and I have made many of them over the years. It’s not a complete joyride, when I consider the nights I was kept awake worrying about my kids, the hours I spent tutoring and counselling them, the times I had to take urgent leave from work when one of my kids fell sick… That’s the reality of having kids. Not to mention the sheer cost of raising kids, and the material comforts my wife and I have sacrificed to make it possible. And despite all this, whenever I look at my wife and my grown-up children, I realize that I’ve lived an infinitely more fulfilling life because of them.
Worryingly, our younger generation is getting married and raising families at much lower rates and at later ages. Academics have suggested a variety of reasons for this alarming trend, such as the rising affluence of our people, the spiralling costs of raising children, and improvements in gender equality. These reasons have some validity, but I believe that the main reason for this phenomenon is still the inability of our younger generation to make the tough choices in life.
I’ll first talk about the decision to get married, and I’ll start off with a history lesson. Let’s first come to an understanding that marriage has never been just for the sake of “love”. It has also been about financial stability, emotional support, companionship in old age, having kids, social status... and love is not necessarily a prerequisite for many of these considerations. When you consider a recent study which suggested that wives who are financially dependent on their husbands are less likely to cheat, and the existence (and rising use) of divorce laws... any reasonable person would conclude that there’s no such thing as “true love”.
Men who earn less than women more likely to cheat
But according to this article, many lonely singles are still foolishly holding out for it!
SDN gives a singles push
Once again, it’s another foolish delusion held by young Singaporeans today. It’s ludicrous to hold out for that perfect someone, because, like I said, that guy or girl doesn’t exist, and it’d be a criminal waste of time and a waste of your life to spend years and years searching for nothing. Even more befuddling are the ridiculous criteria some people use to look for mates – especially looks. People, everyone looks the same after 50 years. It does not matter.
Be realistic in finding a lifetime partner
Before you know it, you’ll be nearing middle age and pushed to the bottom of the dating market, staring down at the terrifying prospect of a solitary retirement... and dying alone. Meanwhile, you miss out on all the pragmatic benefits of marriage that I’ve listed out above. How do our supposedly educated youngsters not figure that out? All it takes are simple cost-benefit analysis and some grasp of reality.
Most people, if they tried, could find an “imperfect” someone who’s good enough to bring reasonable happiness and companionship to their lives. That fully describes the situation of most married couples, even if they don’t want to admit it. There’s always someone out there who could make you happier, but given the short amount of search time available to us, the best option is to moderate our expectations and just be content with finding someone good enough to grow old with! Remember, ultimately we’re all chasing after happiness in some amount, not “true love”!
Is there really any value in holding out for “true love”? I very much doubt so.
And this time around, the search for “true love” is becoming fatal for Singapore as a nation. Yes, I’m talking about birth rates.
To be continued
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